Is this the first time I'm posting while it still is morning?
How come? Who would have known?
Well, it's because I'm done with my finals!

Thank God the last one was quite a light one. Friday classes were photography class for this semester. And for the final exam, I had to present a themed photograph which had been the class' project for two months or so. We already had a presentation day, but the task for the final was to either leave it as if or improve it.

My theme was "melancholic solitude". And I chose to take photos in a park nearby.


I re-took some photos to improve my grade, but due to season changes from fall to winter, the time span was shorter to get the right light exposure and colours, so I ended up handing over the same photograph. I managed to maintain the same grade though, which was an 8/10 (A- or A).

Now that the first semester is done. I can finally rest.... for a week, ugh. ~_~; Sucks that the second semester starts right away. Boohoo.

So today I had my third final exam. I'm halfway through till I finish this semester!

Yep. I'm still breathing and surviving.

After my latest post, things started to get better and worse and so on. But through that I learnt that life works just like that. You happen to have the best day ever and then the worst sh*t ever. (Wow, that's the first time I've written like that but I'm dead serious today). So yeah, I'm valuing my life more and more.

I read my past blog entries and honestly, I sounded so lame. But I feel that way because I'm NOT in a bad mood today. Though I'm still sad that I have little time left of the weekend before boring Monday arrives. Those entries about suicide are so lame I want to bury myself in dirt, but I'll keep them posted just to prove myself and anyone else that I'm finally over those thoughts.... maybe (?)

Anyway! This post is to let you readers know that I'm still living and slowly, yet steadily, moving on. Nope, my life is not getting perfectly better but like I've said earlier, I am getting my ups and downs (and I should be worrying), but instead of pitying myself over that, I'm trying to give off a smile continuing with my belief that good things will happen sooner or later. I'm keeping my hopes up.

I flunked at a project in college (both due by and second chance OTL) and I don't know how to improve it, but I'm not depressed over that. Maybe I'll be in the near future for the last chance, but today is not the day! I also have a history final in two weeks and the worst thing is that it's an oral exam, which unfortunately are my weaknesses (history and oral), but then again I'm not worried today. Could this be because of my procrastinating habits? Hahah.

So.. in summary, the reason I came across to this post was to finally realise that life is not only about good things. God himself let us know that He does not intend to give us good stuff only. We'll suffer and have bad days, but if we hold onto Him then everything will turn out fine.

The following is a bible verse that has helped me during my project presentations the past month. I hope it does the same for you.

want it all to end?

After my latest post, I had been depressed until late the day after (Sunday night). A friend of mine, whom I had a fight with, exchanged our apologies. That was one of the many reasons I was feeling suicidal, but the weight was lifted off after our reconciliation. Plus, I opened myself a little to her about the problems I was having. She said she'd be there for me, and that she would be my crying shoulder. It felt somewhat good, rather say.. it felt nice. I thought it was better for us to forget about the fight and move on (and it'd also help me focus on studying for my history test the next day).

So I did that during this week. I tried moving on, getting rid off this depression and getting my hopes up. I took my test, but I was tired as I hadn't slept properly so I went home instead of continuing with classes. I went home to rest, but even if I didn't do so physically, I did rest mentally. I was trying to forget every negative thoughts, encourage myself that I do indeed have a purpose in life, and that everything would eventually turn up alright.

Hello.
I guess it's time to finally announce it on the internet.
I'm someone who suffers from social anxiety and depression.

I never thought I'd be someone like that, but it just happened. Just as I was starting a new stage in life.
College life sure is a new experience. For many people this experience is somewhat good, or even better than expected; and for some other people the experience is a replica of what we call hell. Sadly, I'm part of the latter group... for now.

And possibly the worst news I could have ever imagined.