So! when was my last post? Ah, that's right.. when my oldest brother and his girlfriend visited my parents. I stayed there until the last week of February and a week after, I had an accident with my macbook, which now collects dust.

After what had happened in 2016, I needed a long break: a healing time. I cut my hair short. I spent my time playing games with a new personality. It was like a new me, perhaps. This new personality allowed me to be more free, to share my opinions, to debate, to be more open and extroverted. I acted as if I wasn't afraid. It was as if this personality allowed me to talk more than ever. I enjoyed it, but it wasn't truly me. Sometimes it was forced.

I eventually met a group of people, a squad; and they took me in. They were and are really supportive, they are friendly, they are nice and they are comfy. So comfy that I wasn't afraid of letting them hear my voice, or even add me on snapchat. I'll talk more about them in a bit.

I was also confessed to. It was too short of a time for me to reciprocate the feelings though (about two and a half(?) months). I had to kindly reject him. We wanted to keep the friendship, but he later started seeing me differently. An excuse to move on faster, it seemed. We stopped talking to each other.

Another person that I'm grateful I had, but is no longer there for me is.. Sheep-san. A good listener. He was there for me even before I started developing that forced, outgoing, personality. I used to like and look up to him when I was really young, many years before ever becoming friends. (Hopefully he won't read this because it would be so embarrassing). However, because of our different views, opinions and personalities, we collided a lot. I was afraid to go against him, afraid to lose his friendship, so I either kept quiet or went with the flow. But in the end, it wasn't healthy. I felt that I was lying to myself. We had a discussion about a something stupid. And while it wasn't the best topic to finish this friendship with, I guess it was for the best.

Oh, I also had another kitchen accident. Another burn. This time not with oil, as I have some sort of trauma so I stay away from it. It was the hot metal part of the oven. My burn scar is triangular shaped, funny enough. But it wasn't as bad as my first kitchen burn!

Anyhow, the forced part of this new personality faded away as I took more part in the squad that I was adopted into. I'm still shy, and horribly depressive; but when I'm with them I can be more than that. I'm actually an ambivert, a mix of an introvert and an extrovert, when I'm surrounded by people I really trust. This squad managed to reach that level of comfort. We talk like extroverts, but together we're introverts.

The forced personality opened me doors online, and I'm glad they didn't close as I "calmed down". It's funny because years ago, I was shy first and then talkative after getting to know people. But now it's the opposite: super extroverted at first and then show signs of shyness/weakness after spending time together. I'm no longer 100% shy.. online. I'm still as shy and introverted as ever in the real world.

I spent May through June playing a game with a new online friend, and then June to July with a "friend" of his. Many people assume they're the same person but regardless of that, they made me laugh really hard. Hopefully he's doing fine at the military.

On August I received my new laptop and I resumed streaming drawings. Thanks to that, I reconnected with another friend whom I lost contact with for 8 months.

College-wise, 2017 was tiring. and would'd been more depressing had I not met that squad.

October through November was heavy. My groupmate ditched me during the most complicated part of the course. I couldn't do it alone. And although I struggled and did my best to pass, it wasn't enough unfortunately.

On December, the squad and the game players surprised me on my birthday. People I haven't physically encountered spent their time to send me messages and even gathered ingame. I cried tears of joy and I was really touched.

However, after days of the same week, I cried tears of sorrow.. Everything went obscure. I was one step away from death. Suicide is no joke. I really don't want to ruin this year post with a dark story, so that will be separated.

Thank you 2017 for being helpful with moving on.