July was a stressful month except for the last week. It had its ups and downs overall.
August was so so, and September is hell so far.

Hello, today is Wednesday. A day I don't get any sleep and my friends, depression and anxiety, come visit me. I decided to make a post again, trying to be a little more active over Blogger, but also because I need to calm down.

It's a quarter before 4 AM as I'm typing right now. It has been pretty windy since yesterday and because of the wind banging against my louvre I am able to be this awake. It wasn't the wind alone though, but the depression and anxiety.

My head and back hurt from doing my homework over 20 hours, sitting in front of the screen trying to do something. However, what hurts more is my chest. It feels as if something was pressing against me, forcing me to choke constantly and hardly breathe. Yes, I'm having a mental breakdown right now. I was happy over the weekend, but once Tuesday arrived, I got this uneasy feeling right here.. right now. Again, I cried until a few minutes ago. I'm so lost in life..

Why are you feeling this way though? Answer is one word: college.
College or university, whatever people call it. That's what makes me question my entire life.
I'm aware I haven't even lived "half" of my life yet, but this stage of life is stressing me out so much. I wonder if my career, graphic design, is actually what I want to do? If it is, I hate it very much at the moment. And if it isn't, then what is it that I want to do?

In my previous post, I talked about how I just wanted to get married and skip this college student stage. But it's not only living as a housewife. Of course I want to do something more. I just don't know what that is, but I am certain I want to do a job that I can do at home.

As of now, I'd like to take a break and try to figure out what I truly enjoy doing and how I can get a profit out off it.

Taking a break means to stop going to college for some time. I'm sure I can't do that while living dependently with my brother, because he'd tell me to work instead.. which I don't want to do yet. I can't work because I can't get out of my shell and talk to strangers. I'm too shy, too weak. No, I'm simply a coward. Ahh.. I think I'll skip today's class too. My mind's starting to deteriorate.

I wish I could go home for some time. Unfortunately, my parents won't allow me to do that. They don't understand that I'm depressed and anxious. They don't even think of them as illnesses, even though it's already proved that they are.

I don't know what to do with my life right now. I want to clear off my mind from this stress. Maybe travel around or play some games only for a period of time. I want to live a future in which I'm happy to go to work.

Someone, send help.. please.