This week there was a holiday on Monday, so we had what we literally call it "holiday bridge". So my team and I went to retreat camping.
This retreat's theme was rest. Because all the team members are young adults, we face anxiety from time to time. We go to either college or work, or even both; we do feel insecure about some things.
One of the activities was "helping hand/friend", which requires you to help or give gifts to a certain person, usually of the opposite gender.

From past retreats, this one was the most calm one. For weeks we'd been told to prepare a prayer title, or a maximum of three prayers. Of course I won't say it here what it was about, but I can say it was about what I'd been posting here on my blog. So in this Christian retreat I finally let my dying soul cry out loud. I needed to get rid off those dark feelings. Cry all that depression out and finally clear my heart and mind.

But on the last day out of the three, I lost control of my renewed heart.
I thought everything was going to get better after I prayed all I could but things started to get worse. And while I was around my friends, I could not hold nor hide my sadness any longer. Lucky enough, my friends were talking about something else so they didn't notice, except for one. She caught me when I was hiding my tears with my face looking at the floor and called out for me. I wiped my tears trying to fake I was okay or even sleepy, but she saw through me. And without hesitation grabbed me outside. She asked me what was wrong, and I wanted to lie and tell her an excuse but deep in my heart I knew it was a bad idea to keep these feelings to myself. So then I spoke. I told her my troubles and my fears. My frustration and my sadness. I told her just what I was feeling. It was better to not tell her about my dark past, the dying desires I had before. So there we were. Out in the green grass, the both of us sitting and talking.
I told her what was causing me this sadness and then she told me she lived similar experiences as well. And as she talked, I also saw her tears falling down her cheeks. She also had an aching soul.

That's when I realised I was not alone anymore. I finally found that one friend that would be my crying shoulder. And that made me happy. Really happy.

Unfortunately, things got worse after I returned home. However, even though I got sad again and wanted to cry, and tell my friend again, I held it all in. It still hurts me but I'll always try to look at the bright side. I try to ignore those insults and everyday critics, and maybe someday those cold words will not affect me anymore.

So yeah, that's what I wanted to post today. My prayers will be heard and done. This is just a test to see if the prayer should be released or not.

A big Thanks to my Lord for letting me go to this retreat, and also to my friend Sabrina for being my crying shoulder. Seriously, thank you.