And possibly the worst news I could have ever imagined.

So today I got up early and went over to my classmate's house to do our project and stuff, until 4pm.
I arrived home after 40 minutes of bus riding and proceeded to make my other things.

At 9 pm, a group of friends and I went to eat cake, but ended up having starbucks as no other place was serving a delicious cake. I later overheard my friends talking about relationships.

So here's the point of today's post. Call me weird, but I don't care about relationships right now.
Yes, I'm almost in my twenties and as many people say, it's the age a girl's the most beautiful. Sure okay,  but is it really necessary to date someone at that age?

In no means am I ranting. I'm just speaking my mind. I might be liking someone right now, but I'm not crayay to go drooling over him. I believe things will go smoothly over the time. You can't die from not being in a relationship. You could die from feeling extremely lonely (depression) though.

The friends I hang out with think I don't like anyone and that I want to focus on my studies only. Well, you're totally wrong.
I do like someone and I don't want to study every time. But I also don't want to go into a relationship where I'm not sure of how it will end in the future. All I want to do is enjoy my time.

So girls, if you're feeling lonely go talk to your friends and not someone you don't know to spend the time with. Also, don't be cheap and hook up with anyone just because you feel the need to date someone right now. Everything has its time.

pd.
What I mean in liking someone is actually having an interest in someone. Like, I wonder about this person, but I don't wish he was my boyfriend or anything beyond that. He just catches my attention more than any other boy I kind of know.

Well, this isn't that random, it was just a coincidence.

On my latest post, I mentioned how I was struggling with studying history for my test, but there was another reason why I couldn't focus on studying.
You see, that same day, a history teacher from my high school passed away. He wasn't my teacher, as I chose chemistry over history but from what I could see and hear, he was an extremely nice person. He shared his experience as a journalist with the whole school and I'm sure he did it with great heart. He died of cancer, and it's such a shame he had to leave this world like that.

But why would that affect my concentration? Let me tell you. Last month, the last history teacher I had in high school had also passed away. I am not aware of what caused his death, but I'd like to believe it was just because he was old enough and not because of some sort of illness/accident.
I had him for two years before choosing chemistry, and he was such a funny teacher without the intention of doing so. He was old but a genius. He knew all about wars and revolutions. He knew history just like counting one, two, three.

I'd like to say, rest in peace Mr. Donald Mathews and Mr. David Boldt, you will be missed.
-

Now this. The big coincidence I was talking about.

March 13 2011, my grandmother. March 15 2015, my history teacher, Mr. Donald Mathrews. April 12 2015, history teacher, Mr. David Boldt.

So for some reason, they're all on Sunday and the third row of the calendar.
The two men were history teachers. Two of the three were old enough. All of them will be missed.

Yeah, you can call me weird, but I got goosebumps when I found out this pattern.

Hello everyone, long time no see in this blog.

I completely forgot about this over an entire year, so there are no 2014 year entries. 2014 was a dark year. Many things happened since my last post, and I don't think it'll be possible to write them all (or part of) in here. I apologise but my other SNS posts tell pretty much how I was doing.

Anyway, starting today I'll try to be more active again. Writing more personal stuff as ever and sharing my boring life experiences.
I'll start with the most recent news and then we'll see how it rolls..

So first, today I had a history test.
Yesterday I pretty much woke up early to go do my Sunday's activities, which is working part-time at a cafeteria. (I don't get paid though, since I do it for community service). My co-workers told me not to overwork and to just focus studying. Well, I sort of did study but it wasn't enough.
So as my shift ended, I headed home at around 2PM. I set up the hammock so that I could study outside without feeling suffocated in my own room. Guess what, I didn't quite study as I had my phone next to me and I thought I had more than enough time to study for the rest of the day.
 I honestly can't remember what I did. Just the usual time-consuming stuff I guess, like scrolling down through facebook and instagram.
Then I happened to have a cruel hating stomach ache. I don't have any proof, but I think it was the big cup of ice coffee I had drunk early in the morning and the 비빔밥 (korean mixed rice dish) I had for lunch. Either way, one of them did me wrong.
 By the time I realised it, it was already dark. I tried to focus on studying even more, but the pressure in my chest was yet to come. (I study quite well when I'm under pressure).
I had to study a text book of around 80 pages plus the notes I had written down. I had to read them, highlight them, and then study but time running ahead of me.
 As I went to the kitchen to make dinner, my brother told me that he had already called for sushi delivery. Thanks to him I had some more time to continue highlighting my texts.

The sushi came quite late, we ate what we had to eat. Frankly, those were the worst sushi rolls I've ever eaten. The rice was undercooked, and the salmon had different colours. Not to mention the cream cheese was a little bit grainy and the wasabi was not spicy enough!

Anyway, after all that ugly dinner, I headed back to my room and kept on reading and highlighting the texts. I started to get sleepy at midnight, but kept going as much as I could. I had already done 12 pages but I felt like dying. So I stopped with that and went directly onto my note book. I couldn't take it anymore so I fell asleep on the bed, with the lights still on.
Do you know how hard it is to keep yourself from not falling asleep? I kept waking up every 10 minutes for literally two hours because of my consciousness. Every time I wanted to stay awake, my eyes would go HELL NO as my lashes went heavy on me. The worst thing is that during those short naps, I'd dream about studying the texts but I had no idea what those texts were, just a bunch of complicated words I'd never seen. The dreams felt real though...and that's how I wasted my glorious time there, plus I forgot what I had studied just before because my freaking mind got confused and decided to reset.

It was 3 AM by the time I finally came back to my senses. I kept praying so that I'd have no trouble in the test. I later decided to give up on highlighting+studying the texts, and just study what I had written down on my notebook and check the images the teacher had sent us. I finally gave everything up at 5:30 to sleep one more hour, this time with the lights off.

So, I took my test after several prayers. The task was to relate and describe an image from the modernism as briefly as possible, without exceeding a page. I think I did good for someone who studied under pressure lol. The results are yet to come though, so I'll keep praying. After the test was done, class kept going. For some reason I wasn't sleepy, but hungry. Oh well.

I didn't take a nap all day long. It's already 9PM and I'm wide awake.
Time to go make dinner now, I'll post another blog entry later.

Today is October 27th. The day the biggest anime convention in my town opens its door.
However, I wasn't able to go.

Since next year I'll be living in another country, I wanted to attend to this expo for the last time. I was anxious, but I only got to know about the expo yesterday. As soon as I saw the announcement, I asked my best friend if she could accompany me. She said that she couldn't since she'd be busy at the time I was available. "Oh well", I replied, "it's a late invitation anyway".

It seems like she felt bad, so she suggested me ask another friend out. Well, I thought for a couple of hours and then finally decided who to invite. But since she was without internet I decided to ask her today, (we see each other in church). I wasn't that sure that she'd go due to the lack of anime/manga interest.

If this friend didn't want to go, then my last card would be my brother. Well then, my friend said she'd "see". "Yay!", I thought until the moment she was no longer there. We were together until the moment I had to go upstairs to play the bass. When I went downstairs, there was no one.

Disappointed, I had to persuade my brother to come along with me. Going to a place alone where there are lots of guys in a dangerous city... hell no! Obviously I wouldn't go if it was like that. That's why I wanted my brother to go with me. I looked into the expo activities and there was a League of Legends competition as well as other games. "Oh that's good, my brother loves games", yet he still refused to go.

From all my "let's go~", there were many No's, but suddenly there was an "okay". Oh, how happy I was to hear that, but after half an hour he said "No, I didn't say such thing".
OH MAI GAWD. -_-

I'm completely pissed off.
Seriously, here comes my rant:
If you changed your mind, you should have said so! Why did you have to lie?! You know well you did say that. You agreed to go at the end. And then you say you never said that?! What the hell? Why do you make me look like a liar? It would be understandable enough if you were just honest and said you didn't want to interact with other people.
Also, the other you:
Why did you leave me? You knew that I was going upstairs for what 15 minutes?, yet you just left without saying anything? Why do you make someone happy and then destroy that smile?
Seriously you two. Be more reasonable and stay honest. If you didn't want to go, say so. Don't go lying or disappearing like that! You guys are selfish.
It was my last chance. Once I move out, I won't be able to attend to such events. I wanted to meet new people with the same interest (kinda, I don't like all anime genres), but you two just destroyed that one.
I know I'm shy. I know I can't talk to strangers. I know I'm not open enough. That's why I needed you.
I wanted to be with someone, feel safe, and enjoy my last expo in my hometown. Because university approaches, this might have been my last anime expo in my entire life. But it turned out that the last one is last year's, which I didn't enjoy truthfully. I had hopes it would be better. I missed such an event.
Thank you.
Just, thank you.
For ruining this moment.

Supposed to be "Marshmallow day" for my chemistry class.
I had tried to convince my teacher to let us make smores and eat them today. He approved it, so I was excited for some time.
Here's what happened though:

Yesterday I was doing my biology homework, which was some Q&A's and explanations with diagrams about immunity blah blah. I did all of it, and even overdid it. I included extra information which wasn't part of the homework, but was a better explanation than the information paper the teacher had given us. So well, the last part of my homework was explaining with diagrams how allergic reactions happen. I searched for those diagrams on the internet and drew them. After that, I realized I didn't know what to do with another sheet of paper -given by my teacher- that had diagrams similar to what I drew. I thought no more and directly started cutting them to later paste them into my notebook. Finishing that it was almost midnight, and bam! I remembered I didn't have any glue sticks or any sort of pasting material. So I said to myself: "It's okay,  since the pieces are all cut, all I have to do is stick them tomorrow first hour at school, I'm sure 'x' friend will lend me her glue stick". And went straight to sleep.

As soon as I arrived to school, the first thing that came to my mind was meeting my friend and borrowing the glue stick. As I was sticking them, my friend laughed and said I didn't have to draw them, but to use those printed diagrams from the sheet of paper. I felt so stupid but oh well, more extra information I guess. I was about to stick the fourth out of six pieces when the first bell rang. Since my friend is in history class while I'm in chemistry class, we had to separate but she let me keep her glue stick.

Once in the classroom, I rushed to finish pasting all for once so I could enjoy the marshmallow day. But as I was putting the glue on the last piece, my chemistry teacher caught me. I wanted to explain what was going on - why I was gluing and why not at home. I wanted to explain that I didn't have any sticking material at home, but my words never came out. The teacher took my notebook and then I happened to say a little, but he didn't want to listen to me. I insisted to let me off just this time but later I gave up. There was no point in arguing with him. I didn't look at him, I didn't want to; but I knew he walked with my book to my biology teacher (since they work in the same room). I decided to stay shut, I didn't say a single word for those two periods. But my mind was full of anger.

When something doesn't go the way I want, I get angry and blame myself for not doing it right. But when there is something unfair, something that I shouldn't be punished for and can't defend myself, my inner self bursts into tears and falls into depression. My inside cries, and starts to break down. Outside though, I have a blank face. I stare at nowhere and constantly sigh heavily.

There was no desire of a marshmallow day at all from this teacher. Instead, he gave us work to do that lasted all the two periods. I felt deceived, and it hurt more because I thought he was one friendly teacher. I couldn't think about anything else except for the anger inside me. Even if the teacher called me a few times, I decided to stay myself closed, ignoring whatever he told me. He assumed that I now hate him. That isn't actually true, but it will look like that for some time, maybe even after I have graduated.

Even though my day sucked from the beginning of the day, teachers and students are different. Today I learnt that they can't be friends no matter what. They can act friendly towards you, but as teachers they won't let you step on them. I remember two years ago, I had a hatred towards my biology teacher because he didn't mark my "meiosis" right on my final test, saying that what I wrote was "metosis" which in fact doesn't exist. I slowly stopped hating him, and also stopped admiring him, since he was, back then, my favourite teacher. So yeah, from now on teachers are just teachers to me. There's no favourite nor best, just 'teachers'. *cough* notice there's a possible 'worst' teacher *cough*

 Marshmallow day = disappointment.
 High expectations / excitement = down the drain.
                                   
 Overall day = failure.